Punch Buggie
by Cheylouwho
Summary: Clyde can't remember why he decided to go on this trip, let alone why his friends would even invite him. Road trips fucking suck.


It all started with Token's old mustang and some fancy grandparents.

They were all 17 and 18 years old, in their last year of high school. As cliché as Craig had claimed it to be, Jimmy had suggested they all go on one last trip together before the year ended. Token had some grandparents with a cabin on a lake up north they could use for the weekend, and everyone happened to be around. It seemed like a great idea, in theory, for all five of them to sit for 8 hours in a car with each other on a Friday night.

Now the passing light of the overhead streetlamps were painting stripes across Clyde's face, his cheek pressed firmly against the window. The rumbling of the moving car felt like it was shaking his entire brain, but it was a better sensation than having to listen to Craig reciting 'Ice Ice Baby' in the seat next to him. Something else was playing on the stereo now that Jimmy had hold of the aux cord, but he really didn't care to tune his brain in enough to know what it was.

Road trips fucking sucked.

It wasn't that he didn't want to go. The lake trip sounded awesome; he'd always been big on swimming. It was more just general discomfort. He was pretty sure he was carsick to some degree, and the overstimulation from his other friend's wasn't exactly helping his situation.

With a groan, he lifted his head off the window, fingers coming up to touch at his chilled cheek by habit. Token was sitting in the driver's, with Jimmy shotgun and Craig and Tweek riding beside him in the back seats. He felt somewhat squished against the left-side door, Craig taking up way more room than he needed. He claimed that Clyde was just too fat, but he knew that wasn't the case. He was _fine._ Maybe a little on the pudgier side, but _fine._ Craig was just been a space hog because he didn't want to wake up his boyfriend.

Tweek was asleep on the other side of the car, messy hair smushed into the glass as he curled toward it. He really didn't need all that room to sleep, but Craig insisted that he rest. There was almost a feeling of jealously for how much he cared for the other boy; every time Clyde watched him reach across to brush away a stray hair or kiss him on the cheek sent a strange feeling through his stomach.

Maybe it was the fact he was one of the only ones in the group who wasn't dating anyone.

Craig had Tweek, and Token had his girlfriend, and Jimmy… well, Jimmy was just Jimmy. He was always having one-off flings with girls. Clyde's eyes drifted to him next, watching with intrigue as he messed with his phone in the seat in front of him. He was still just as goofy as when they were in elementary school. He'd grown his hair out a bit, gotten his braces off, and volunteered with the Special Olympics to work with younger kids. He had his perfect smile and his perfect eyes and everything else that made everyone fawn over him. And then there was Clyde- a dumpy jock wannabe with a fuckload of acne and nothing to his name.

Needless to say, he was jealous.

"Punch buggie blue!" Craig shouted suddenly, his fist slamming into Clyde's arm, pulling him out of his spacey state. Jimmy was blaring the Thomas the Train theme song while Token kept trying to unplug the cord. Craig was laughing hysterically.

"Fucking stop it," Clyde snapped back, pointing a finger accusingly at him before rubbing at what was inevitably going to become a bruise. "Dipshit."

"Dumb fuck," Craig replied, leaning back in his seat.

The audio blasting through the car sharply cut off, followed by Token flipping on the radio. "No more phones, Jimmy ruined it by playing garbage," he stated, while Jimmy yelled some nonsense about censoring his art.

Clyde met his eyes through the rearview mirror, almost begging him for sweet release. "How much longer 'till we get there?" he asked.

"About an hour more," Token told him, glancing at the phone sitting in the cupholder near his seat. The GPS map traced a long path along the highway, with several more miles until their next exit.

"Euuuuuuuuuugh," Clyde groaned again, the side of his head smacking against the glass again. He stared out the window at the darkening sky, the sun barely visible on the horizon. His eyes focused on the passing cars, making a silent game out of trying to remember their colors. Red, blue, red, grey, black, black, red-

"Punch buggie red," Craig shouted again, slugging Clyde in the arm for the second time. So much for letting his boyfriend rest; Clyde was sure that it was loud enough to startle him awake, but the blond was still out cold.

"I told you to fucking stop," he hissed, hitting him (weakly) back. "I don't wanna play that."

Jimmy was singing along to whatever was playing on the radio with Token. Clyde wished he was in the driver's seat. Then Token could get hit in the arm and he could just enjoy himself. "Do you wanna switch, Token?" he asked.

"Nah, if this car gets wreaked I'm dead, and you're too shitty of a driver."

Clyde met his eyes through the rearview again, sticking out his tongue.

"Fucking rude."

"Don't care." Clyde resumed staring out the window, drowning out the music and Craig's blabber with the gentle hum of movement against his skull. He didn't know why he was having such a hard time this trip. Usually he was fine, but recently, it just felt awkward hanging out as a group. He didn't really know if it was the pressure of senior year or…

He paused in thought, almost wanting to shake away the notion that it might be deeper than that. Maybe it was the fact everyone else was doing so much better than he was at _everything._ Maybe it was the discomfort of being alone every time Craig and Tweek did something cutesy. Maybe it was the beautiful eyes staring him down across the car—

He froze, mind completely forgetting how to hear as Jimmy said something to him. "What?" he mumbled, shaking his head. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"I s-s-said, do you need to p-piss," he repeated, uncomfortably twisting in his chair to look at him. "There's a r-rest stop in ab…about ten mi…miles."

"No, I'm fine," he said quickly, diverting his attention back to the window in embarrassment.

Maybe, just _maybe,_ he wasn't jealous _of_ Jimmy. He was jealous of the people who got to _be_ with Jimmy.

Sexuality was a tricky thing, especially when he was younger. It wasn't until Craig and Tweek's fiasco that Clyde had begun to consider the fact that he wasn't as straight as he thought. Sure, he liked girls, but there were more options than that. Hot options. People like his childhood best friend.

"Oh my ffffucking god," he muttered to himself, only smushing more of his face against the glass in frustration. Not only was he gross, he was at least somewhat gay, and the combination just made him feel that much worse. Jimmy had only ever had relationships with _girls._ There was no way in hell he'd even consider Clyde, and if he had that option, why would he? There were plenty of more attractive, better boys at their school.

In short, the whole situation was fucked.

Across the car from him, Tweek was waking from his sleep, asking something about where his coffee thermos went and how much longer they had left. Clyde continued to stay huddled up to the window as Craig handed it to him, a loving smile on his face.

"Sleep well?" Craig asked, pressing more kisses to his cheek.

"Mmh… yeah, I'm…I'm good," Tweek laughed, returning the favor.

Clyde grimaced. Why were they like this? There were three other people in the car and they just had to be showing off with over-done PDA. It was like they were _trying_ to rub in the fact that Clyde was single.

"Please shut the fuck up," he found himself saying, arms crossed and lip pouted.

"What's your deal, bitch boy?" Tweek scoffed playfully.

"He's just j-jealous," Jimmy teased, turning around in his seat again. "He's got nuh…nobody to k-kiss him."

"NOT TRUE," Clyde squeaked, only curling further into himself. "Not true at all!"

"Not true that you're jealous or not true that you've got nobody to kiss you?" Token asked, turning down the radio a bit.

The pressure was on.

"Both!" Clyde blurted. "In fact, I have like three girlfriends at home who will all kiss me whenever I want so THERE." He met eyes with Jimmy again, almost daring him to continue teasing.

"Sure, sure," Tweek said, rolling his eyes. "And me and Craig are juuuuust friends."

"It's true!" Clyde claimed again, sitting upright. He could feel his carsickness churning in his stomach, but he was so flustered he forced himself to ignore it. "I'm really fucking popular at school and everyone wants to kiss me!"

"I've never seen you kiss anyone," Craig pushed, almost amused by his outburst. When a target within the group was locked, everyone would take turns trying to push the limits. "You're probably a kiss virgin."

"That doesn't even exist," Token commented. "If you're gonna tease him don't be stupid about it."

"Even if it DID, I'm NOT," Clyde continued, ignoring him. "I kissed Sally Turner two days ago, so there."

"Sally Turner has a boyfriend, you dumb fuck, you made that up," Craig continued, pointing a finger.

"No she doesn't!"

" _Clydeeeee is a kissssss v-virgin_ ," Jimmy sang, also ignoring Token.

"You can kiss my _ass_ ," Clyde shouted back, stomach feeling uncomfortably queasy.

"I w-would, but ass k-kissing doesn't count to…towards kiss vir…virginity."

"If ass kissing even counted, the football coach would be alllllll yours," Craig continued, smirking devilishly.

"Okay, C-Craig, wait, that's e-enough," Jimmy said, expression turning concerned. Clyde's face was twisted with embarrassment.

"Nobody would want to kiss you anyway."

"Craig, I s-said to stop."

"Craig, I'm…" Clyde shrunk back against the window, hands clutching his stomach. Tears were threatening to spill. Why did he have to be such a crybaby, why, why, why—

"Craig, seriously, don't take it too far," Tweek was saying, but his boyfriend refused to listen. He raised his fist, slugging Clyde hard in the arm again.

"Punch buggie again, crybaby," he said.

And Clyde spewed all over the floor of the mustang.

"EW OH MY GOD!" Tweek shrieked, scrambling against the far end of the car in disgust.

"What the hell happened back there?!" Token yelled, torn between watching the road and trying to look behind himself at the scene unfolding. Craig gagged at the sight and smell, squishing against Tweek as he too tried to get away. Clyde just stared at the mess, unable to even comprehend what had just happened.

"Token—T-Token you g-gotta pull into the rest st..sto…stop," Jimmy said quickly. "Nobody's gotta p-piss but Clyde just l-let one out all over the ba…back of the car."

"Oh Jesus Christ," Token muttered, "why the hell didn't he do it in the bag I gave him?"

"It's Craig's fault! He got him all worked up!" Tweek squeaked.

Clyde just continued to stare in silence, hands shaking.

"Clyde, I'm sorry dude, I didn't mean to push it that far," Craig begged, but the tears were already starting to flow from Clyde's eyes.

"Oh my god you made him cry, what the fuck!" Tweek scolded.

"It smells so bad in here," Token muttered, "I hope to god we can get it out…"

"Clyde, calm d-down," Jimmy said, trying to keep the situation from escalating. Token was pulling off the freeway now and into the rest stop. There were no other cars in the parking lot this late in the evening, but it was better than pulling over on the busy road. As soon as the car was in park, the doors were thrown open and everyone quickly exited. Tweek ran to get paper towels while Token chewed Craig out, and Clyde had gone from sitting in the car with vomit on his pants to standing outside the car with vomit on his pants.

Everything had just gone _wrong._

He was just supposed to go on a nice trip with his friends and enjoy himself, but no. He had to get defensive. He had to be awkward. He had to _vomit all over the floor of his friend's dad's probably expensive car._ It only made him cry harder, hands pressed to his face. Goddammit, he was a walking disaster. Ugly, fat, stupid, disgusting. The whole package. No wonder all his friends always picked on him. No wonder nobody wanted to kiss him. No wonder Jimmy didn't want to—

"Hey, let's g-go get you cleaned up, o…okay?" Jimmy asked, Token having retrieved his crutches from the trunk of the car. He'd come beside Clyde now, a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to c-cry anymore. It's fine."

Clyde just stared at him stupidly, mouth half open in shock that anyone would pity him right now. He'd just practically ruined their trip. They were in a shitty rest stop parking lot, for fucks sake, how wrong could the night have ended up?

" _Okay?_ " Jimmy repeated, his brown eyes almost shimmering in the sunset lighting. "I'll help."

"Okay," Clyde muttered, still completely dazed. Jimmy took him awkwardly by the arm and led him towards the restrooms, walking along the shoddily paved sidewalk and into the less than ideal men's room. It didn't smell much better inside than the car, but it would have to do.

"I'm sorry," Clyde muttered as Jimmy turned to the sink, wetting a paper towel under the faucet.

"It's f-fine," Jimmy replied as if nothing had happened. He handed Clyde the paper towel before turning to wet a second one. "Use that one o…on your f-face."

Clyde nodded, looking at the floor as he cleaned himself up, wiping at his mouth and then his tearstained cheeks. He sniffled pathetically, shoulders bouncing with quiet heaves. He hated how sensitive he was.

Jimmy came back with the second towel, immediately using it to brush off Clyde's jeans. "W-wait, I'll do it," Clyde stuttered, snatching it from him in embarrassment. "I don't need help."

"Suit yourself," Jimmy said, standing upright.

Clyde refused to make eye contact as he continued to clean himself off. There was an awkward silence as the cheap fluorescent lights hummed above them, the creaks of the building only further grating on Clyde's overstimulation.

"What's wrong?" Jimmy asked, voice full of concern.

Clyde refused to answer, eyes downcast as he scrubbed furiously at the stains on his pants.

"I s-said, what's wrong?"

"I heard you that time," Clyde snapped, dropping the paper towel in his outburst. "Fuck…"

"I'll g-get another-"

"Don't!" Clyde shouted, his voice echoing in the empty bathroom. "Stop trying to help me! Stop!"

Jimmy froze, hand almost touching the paper towel dispenser. "What?"

"Stop helping me! Stop being so nice to me!" Clyde's body shook with anxiety as their eyes met, hands clutching at his shirt. "I'm a piece of shit who ruined the whole trip, I don't deserve it!"

"That's n-not-"

"You're too good to be sitting in a fucking rest stop bathroom wiping vomit off my pants, okay? Okay, Jimmy? You're this perfect guy with your cute eyes and your adorable smile and your nice voice and…and…and…"

"Clyde, I-I'm-"

"No, you listen to me!" he snapped again, pointing a finger at him. Tears were streaming down his face, but he didn't care. "You listen to me, okay? I don't deserve your attention. You're like, the best person out of our whole group and I don't understand how you even ended up with a bunch of nobodies like us, especially me!"

"Clyde-" Jimmy pleaded, trying to interrupt.

"No, no, I know what you're thinking, but I'm not jealous of you! I'm not! It's fine that you're fucking gorgeous and I'm a fucking… I don't know, a goblin or something, but the point is that all you're doing is getting my hopes up because every time you look at me I get all fluttery, and not in the vomit way… In like…the…"

Oh.

Ohhhhh. Fuck.

Jimmy just stared in disbelief, unable to say anything.

"S-so I'll…I'll just…" Clyde crossed his arms across his chest, letting out a shaking breath as the tears just kept flowing. He probably looked so ugly right now… "I'm just g-gonna…fucking… I'm s-sorry…" He turned quickly towards the exit of the bathroom, eyes squeezing shut as he let out another pathetic sob.

Jimmy's crutches clicked quickly across the cracked tile floor, putting himself in front of the door. "No," he said firmly.

Clyde pathetically rammed himself against Jimmy's chest, too weak from sobbing to do anything else. He just rested his head there for a moment, knees threatening to give out. He was crying on his crush in the middle of a _fucking rest stop bathroom at ten o'clock at night._ What the _fuck_ was he doing?

"Stop, stop," Jimmy said again, a hand against Clyde's back. "Come h-here, just stop c-crying, okay?" He led him back to the sink, getting another paper towel and gently wiping away his tears with the rough texture, the other hand gently cradling his face.

"I'm s-sorry," Clyde muttered, pressing into the hand against his cheek.

Jimmy didn't say anything, only helping him dry his tears until there were none left. With the paper towel in the garbage and his crying subdued, they were left again in the silence, staring into each other's eyes.

"Clyde?" Jimmy finally said, thumb absentmindedly tracing gentle patterns against his cheek.

"Yeah?"

"You're not a n…nobody, okay?" he said calmly.

Clyde resisted the urge to say anything, just silently taking in his words.

"You're a lot of s-s-somebody. You're the b-best f…football player on the h-high school te…team. You're th-the best hugger I've ev…ever met. You're sensitive a…and sweet, and…"

"Fat? Ugly? Stupid?" Clyde asked, almost accusingly.

"No," Jimmy said firmly, leaning a bit closer. "V-very attractive."

Clyde swore he flat-lined and went to heaven right then and there. The only thing that came from his mouth was a string of unintelligible syllables, face blushed redder than a tomato.

"You're such a d-dork, you know that?" Jimmy asked, giggling a little. Still cradling his face with his hand, he leaned in closer and pressed a gentle kiss to Clyde's cheek. "You're _fine,_ okay?"

Clyde just sort of melted, knees bending and vision swimming. "W-wait…just…" He regained just enough of his senses back to push himself forward, their noses nearly touching. "I don't wanna be a stupid kiss virgin," he uttered stupidly, unsure what else to say.

"You know that's m-made up," Jimmy said, smirking.

"Just kiss me anyway, fucker," Clyde retorted, pressing their lips together. Jimmy happily obliged, deepening it until neither could breathe. They quickly pulled apart, eyes meeting.

"You taste like v-vomit," Jimmy sighed, shaking his head.

"Sorry," Clyde muttered, embarrassed as he looked to the floor. He couldn't even get kissing right…

Jimmy quickly placed a hand under his chin, tilting his face upward again. "Hey…we'll just h-have to do it again wh…when you don't."

Clyde's eyes widened, a grin coming back to his face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jimmy kissed his cheek once more for good measure before standing upright again. "Let's head b-back to the car, okay? They're pr…probably waiting for us."

He nodded, overwhelmed with feelings. They took arms again as if nothing had happened, walking back out of the crappy bathroom and down the walkway to the car. Paper towels littered the floor of the back seats, having been sprayed down with Token's overwhelming cologne in an attempt to freshen it up. It was much better than it was, regardless.

"You ready to go?" Token asked, almost relieved to see them. "We got it mostly taken care of."

Craig and Tweek were already sitting inside, ready to go. It appeared that Token had forced a seating rearrangement, as Craig was now sitting shotgun away from everyone else.

"Yeah, hurry up," Tweek yelled, "this place is giving me the creeps!"

"I'm ready, I'm ready, chill out," Clyde said, helping Jimmy into the center seat before taking his crutches into the trunk. He then climbed in beside him, buckling his seatbelt and watching as Token shifted the car back into gear. They rolled out of the parking lot and back towards the freeway, resuming their journey.

Clyde yawned quietly, his head falling towards the glass window again. Despite his accident, he almost felt better than when the trip had started. The sky was completely dark now, the clock on the dashboard reading 10:26 pm. Only 45 minutes until they reached the cabin, and then they'd have the whole weekend to spend together. He watched the cars pass back, silently counting colors again.

Red. Blue. Black. Black. Grey. Black. Yellow.

"Yellow p-punch buggie," Jimmy muttered, gently tapping him on the arm. Almost immediately, he lowered his head just enough to press a quick kiss to Clyde's shoulder.

"What, so it's fine when he does it?" Craig complained, staring out the opposite side's window, completely unaware.

"Sure is," Clyde said, heart swelling with joy.

Jimmy could only laugh.


End file.
